


give me someone i can breathe with

by crushanlon



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/F, Frankie Blatantly Projects Onto Richie Tozier For 12 Minutes, M/M, also guess who made beverly marsh a lesbian !!! its me i did that :), and also i love richie and i hc them as enby so eat my dick, bc I fucking said so, but i look baxk and turns out i just thought.a lot and put down like half of it so., heyhey im back, i wont apologise beet is fucking gross and people who like it deserve to be made fun of :/, let it be known that i have a problem w thinking i write a lot, needlessly shitting on beer for a While in future stuff aidhwksiwk, nonbinary!richie tozier, tw for minorish transphobia in ben’s chap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 17:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18997078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crushanlon/pseuds/crushanlon
Summary: 5 times richie kissed their friends and one time it meant something morean overused trope, i know, but i’m a Sucker for Loving Richie and i just want them to be,, happy. i love my dumb gay child. also i made richie enby bc!! im desperate for rep my dudes





	1. mike.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mike :)

richie tozier fancied themself a daredevil. they liked riding their bike down steep hills and making fun of eddie; y'know, things that usually result in them being at least seriously injured in some way, shape, or form.

 

however, most people they met would classify them more as a “crybaby”.

 

which is fair, all things considered. they once burst into tears when someone said they thought they were too tall (it was a joke).

 

of course, the first time they heard someone refer to them as such, they got incredibly offended. but instead of showing it, they went for their patented technique of Spending 20 Minutes Laughing And Later Crying About It In Their Room. a foolproof plan, really.

 

richie, glasses-less (lest the tears become that crusty ass shit that’s a bitch to take off) and listening to music to both hide their (loud and somewhat pathetic) weeping, but also because rock is comforting as fuck, was sitting in their room. alone, but wishing they weren’t. scared to admit they wanted – no, _needed –_ company.

 

halfway through their fourth xtc song, they thought they heard something downstairs. of course, their imagination immediately jumped to _fucking demon here to murder me_ , but they ultimately wrote it off as mags getting a drink or something.

 

when the knocking came at their door, though, it was kinda hard to write off as something that wasn’t a demon. _aren’t three knocks the sign of a demon? wasn’t that on buzzfeed unsolved? oh wait, they knocked a fourth time. crisis averted._

 

richie looked at the door and muttered out an affirmative, thinking it was one of their parents. it started to open.

 

had richie known that it wasn’t mags or went, they would’ve tried to cover up the fact that they were just crying. their parents had already seen richie crying when they came home, they wouldn’t be surprised. music and sobbing was usually how they dealt with their problems in this family, anyway.

 

but it wasn’t their parents. no, it was only one blob. one that did not look like either of their parents. _oh holy fucking fuck shit._

 

michael goddamn hanlon. richie, eyes widening, frantically and fruitlessly, tried to remove any evidence of them crying, wiping at their eyes and unceremoniously shoving their glasses back on their face. _fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-_

 

“rich? you okay?” mike’s image, clearer now, started slowly walking closer to where richie’s bed was placed.

 

“i’m actually just fucking peachy, micycle. can’t you tell?” richie felt disgust creeping up for talking to mike like that. _just because you’re upset doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole, asshole. mike is an angel. treat him accordingly. wait, is mike even religious? how do i not know this? what the fuck? god richie, you’re such a shitty friend._ “sorry, sorry. i’m just… not good right now, i guess.”

 

mike sat down beside him, and richie promptly laid their head down on mike’s shoulder. _he is an angel. wow rich, you really suck_. “what happened?”

 

“i – i don’t even know.” richie turned their face into mike, almost trying to hide. mike wrapped his arm around their shoulder, and richie grew warm from the contact. “it’s dumb, really.”

 

“if it makes you this upset, then it’s not dumb, rich.” mike tightened his grip on richie for a second, letting them know he was listening.

 

“but that’s the thing, mike. they called me a crybaby. and then, in classic crybaby fashion, i ran home and cried about it.” greenman was playing softly from their speakers, a completely mismatched tone from that of which was between them and mike, making richie let out a soft laugh. more of a breath, really.

 

mike was silent for a while, thinking of the right words to say. the orange sunlight coming through the open window highlighted the dust motes, making everything feel serene; like something out of an indie movie. however, this was offset by the whimpering noises escaping his friends mouth, obvious attempts to muffle them failing.

 

“would you like advice or comfort?” and _jesus,_ that was such a mike thing to do. letting people choose what they need? _you really don’t deserve him._

 

“comfort, i guess.” richie said. and with that, mike wrapped both his arms around richie. and richie maybe started to feel a little less empty.

 

_god, mike really is an angel._

 

richie didn’t even realise they were asleep until they woke up, which was bullshit. _fuckin brains, man. they’re all bitches._

 

they were leaned up against their wall, music no longer playing (the playlist probably ended, richie didn’t have repeat on), mike running his fingers through their hair in the dark. at this point, with the sunset, richie’s hair was almost smooth from how long mike had been brushing it.

 

“how long was i clocked out?” richie muttered, looking up at mike.

 

“about two hours, i’m guessing.”

 

“you sat here for two hours?” richie scrunched up their nose in confusion.

 

“‘course i did, rich. you’re my friend, and that’s what friends do.” he smiled gently. _angel, angel, angel._

 

richie’s heart swelled. mike sat here for two fucking hours cause they were upset.

 

_mike sat with me for two full hours to make me feel better._

 

it felt like their chest was expanding, and their heart was bursting. they could feel tears welling up from behind their eyes, only this time, it was from how _loved_ they felt.

 

fun fact about richie: they needed attention. like, actually needed it. shocking, i know – and to have someone give it to them willingly?

 

it felt like they really mattered.

 

richie couldn’t help themself. they surged up and gave mike a quick peck on the cheek, and cuddled him closer, nudging their head into his chest, hoping that _maybe_ it could help mike feel as loved as they did in that moment.

 

mike softly chuckled and hugged richie just as tightly. “god, you’re such an angel. thank you.”

 

“it’s just what friends do. you deserve it.” mike nuzzled his nose into richie’s hair, and they could feel his smile against their scalp.

 

and so, naturally, richie burst into tears again.


	2. ben.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its ben :) 
> 
> tw for minor transphobia and internalised transphobia

richie tozier was fully aware that coming out wasn’t a necessity. 

 

they knew that they didn’t have to tell everyone they were nonbinary, and honestly? they didn’t really want to. 

 

they knew well enough that coming out at school was completely out of the fucking question. while stan and mike holding hands could be passed off and would only get them a few glances, daring to be trans in derry was not a good idea. they wanted nothing less than to explain their existence to those who’ve only ever been in their peripheral. 

 

the only people they would even consider telling were their parents and the losers, end of story. literally no one else seemed worth it. 

 

and so one night, they tried to come out to their parents. 

 

all in all, the most they can say is that they didn’t hate them for it. 

 

went questioned (immediately, i might add) if this was something they were doing to look for more attention. like, if their fucking gender was a scheme. 

 

mags said she didn’t understand using they/them for a single person.  _ “i just don’t get it, sweetheart. you’re just you, y’know?” _

 

the pet name made them feel sick. 

 

richie was too tired for this. 

 

saying it in the first place took all their energy, and the reaction didn’t exactly invigorate them, to say the least. something in them broke, and they knew they had to get out of there. maybe get into bed and have a good dramatic sob. 

 

_ “yeah, whatever. i think i’m just gonna get some rest. night, guys.” _

 

_ “okay. we still love you, pumpkin. y’know that, right?” _

 

richie didn’t respond. 

 

they could feel the tears welling up as they stomped up the stairs, starting to fall as soon as they closed their door. they would cover up their mouth, but it’s like they couldn’t make any sound, their mouth stuck in a frown. 

 

_ honestly, is this an attention thing? _

 

_ are you even real? _

 

_ are you really willing to debate your validity as a human for the rest of your life? _

 

_ is this really who their son turned out to be? _

 

long story short, it didn’t go well. 

 

the next morning, they woke up feeling so down that they considered staying home from school, before realising that would be a day in the same house as their parents. the thought made their stomach churn and their heart race. 

 

so they went. 

 

and all throughout the day, they were quiet, which was weird, even for them. there was a point in third period where they got weird looks for letting a few opportunities slip past. it took until lunch for their friends to ask them about it. 

 

“hey rich, you chill fam?” beverly asked. she always did have a fun way if asking people how they were feeling. richie found themself smiling lightly at the joke. 

 

“yeah, i just has a bad night. sorry for not being my usual god-like self.” richie forced their best smile, doing everything they could to make themself look as happy as they could. “disappointing, i know. all these people show up expecting perfection incarnate, and yet still, i have failed them. truly a tragedy of the highest proportion.”

 

ignoring the rest, bev zeroed in. “what made it a bad night?” she leaned forward and locked her hands on the table in front of her, almost  _ trying  _ to look like a therapist. 

 

“ah, but that topic is not for the public eye. too many prying ears waiting for their next piece of lion meat.” matching her posture, richie leaned forward. 

 

stan turned to eddie. “you understand him best, do you know what the fuck that means?”

 

it was the  _ him _ that hit them hardest. but whatever, they were used to it.  _ just another attention whore.  _

 

after that, lunch passed quickly. no one followed up, though they could feel eddie’s gaze and mike’s soft touch on their forearm for the rest. 

 

just after 8th period, richie cornered ben. 

 

“hey benny? would you mind if i hopped on over to your place after the school day is yonder? but only a memory in our beautiful young hearts?” richie placed one hand on their heart and one on his forehead palm-out, dramatically bending his knees back. 

 

ben giggled at their antics. “sure rich. bring twizzlers.”

 

and so that’s how richie found themself in the hanscom’s backyard sitting next to ben, not talking. just breathing in the spring air and chewing on plastic. 

 

“y’know, i don’t know why you like twizzlers so much. they taste like the jizz of a long dead ogre.” richie took their half eaten one out of their mouth, and stared at it, confused. 

 

they heard ben coughing up some of the candy beside them. “beep fucking beep, jesus christ.” ben was still laughing though. 

 

richie was probably closest with ben, save maybe bev or eddie. ben was the perfect juxtaposition to richie, and it mellowed them out a little just to be in his presence. 

 

richie really felt like they could count on ben to understand them. and after last night, that was invaluable. 

 

after a couple more minutes of quiet chewing, ben broke the silence. 

 

“seriously rich, what’s wrong? and don’t you dare say nothing.” ben moved his body towards richie, giving every possible physical signal that he was listening to them. 

 

richie took a minute to consider how to answer. “i, uh, i came out to my parents last night. it did not go according to plan.”

 

“wait, i thought you told them you were bi months ago.” ben said, tilting his head to the left a bit. 

 

“i did.” richie wrung their hands together, anxiety busting out from everywhere. 

 

“then what did you come out as?”

 

“um…”  _ am i really gonna do this? _

 

_ are you willing to fight back if he questions you? _

 

“you can tell me, rich. as long as you don’t say you’re an attack helicopter or whatever, it’s fine.”

 

richie scrunched up their nose. “what do you mean?”

 

ben thought for a second. “there’s this thing online where assholes will target nonbinary people by saying shit like ‘i sexually identify as an attack helicopter’. it’s a jerk move and i wouldn’t be able to stop myself from punching you in the face if you pulled that bull for the sake of a lazy joke.”

 

hope bloomed somewhere in the anxiety. “you mean you… believe nonbinary people exist?”

 

“duh. do you not?”

 

“i’d be a hypocrite if i didn’t, dear boy.” richie felt themself smiling. 

 

“you’re nonbinary?”

 

“i sure am, ol’ chap.”

 

“cool! what pronouns?” ben was smiling too. 

 

“they/them.” the anxiety shattered, and all that was left was the hope. their chest swelled. 

 

“dope! i’ll do my best, rich.” something dawned on his face, and he looked scared all of a sudden. “i forgot to ask. do you have a preferred name?”

 

it felt like they couldn’t be happier in that moment. “not at the moment, big boy. richie’s fine.”

 

ben looked relieved. “okay. if you don’t mind me asking, what did you mean by ‘it didn’t go according to plan’?”

 

their face fell. “just uh… my dad asked if i was doing it for attention, and my mom said my pronouns didn’t make sense.”

 

ben looked sullen and put his hand on richie’s shoulder. “i’m so sor-“

 

“they didn’t even fucking care! i’m still their goddamn kid, but they don’t even think i’m fucking mature enough to know who i am! my dad didn’t even take a moment to let it sink in! he just immediately thought i was looking for attention!”

 

richie was up and pacing at this point, gesticulating wildly. “just normal old richie, doing whatever  _ he  _ can to get attention! seriously, it’s like they don’t even give enough shits about me as a human being to consider that when they call me their son it fucking  _ hurts! _ ” tears starting to fall, richie sat down again, in front of and facing ben. “it hurts, ben. i hate it so goddamn much.”

 

they pulled their hands up to their eyes, pulling their glasses up onto their head like a headband and sobbing quietly. 

 

they heard ben get up and sit next to them. they just pushed their palms into their eyes harder. 

 

“i’m so sorry, rich. you deserve so much better than that.” he lightly rubbed his hand between their shoulder blades, trying his hardest to give richie any semblance of comfort. 

 

“i just want to feel human, y’know? i just wanna be their kid and not feel like shit every time i’m around them.” richie leaned over onto ben’s shoulder, burying their face into him. “i just wanna be loved. is that too much to ask?” 

 

richie continued to cry for another few minutes, holding onto ben like he was their life support, their tether to reality. 

 

“sorry for dumping this on you, benny boy. i just- i didn’t wanna deal with it all on my own anymore. it really fucking sucks.”

 

ben lightly pushed richie off of him, then proceeded to get up, offering his hand to them. they took it. 

 

“it’s no problem, really. do you want to tell anyone else?” ben and richie started walking into the house, still holding on to each other. 

 

“i’ve had enough coming out for this week, honestly. but i will, eventually. scout’s honour.”

 

“and i’ll hold your hand the whole time.” ben looked up at them with a teasing smile, and richie pulled him close and kissed his temple. 

 

“and i’ll thank you for it, ya wee lassy.”

 

and when, a month later, richie came out to the rest of the losers, ben held up his promise. 


	3. bev.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beverly :)
> 
> tw for underage drinking and being mean to bill denborough for liking beer

richie tozier loved their friends more than anything else in the whole world. 

 

they can say this with absolute confidence. after all, richie has spent multiple nights waxing poetic in their head about the best traits of their friends. 

 

like how consistently supportive ben is, like a heartbeat; constant and keeping you alive. or how beverly is just like a fire; unphased by conflict and always willing to defend herself, but still someone who’ll do her best to keep you warm. or how kind mike is; he’s always there to notice when you’re upset and maybe list off the top five reasons you’re amazing. or how hilarious stan is; not the same type of humour as richie’s, not at all, but never failing to get a massive eruption of laughter from the losers, never failing to cheer them up. or how bill is such a natural leader; he can take an army into a suicide mission but everyone will follow him anyway. 

 

and  _ god,  _ richie could list 1000 of eddie’s best traits without even having to think. seriously, one time they counted, and according to them, eddie has 56 best traits. 

 

anyway. 

 

another fun fact about richie tozier is that they are an honest drunk. 

 

see, they already have little to no filter, so it’s not like alcohol is going to change that. what it  _ is  _ going to change is how  _ truthful  _ they are. 

 

the first time they ever got drunk they admitted to being slightly in love with everyone, once breaking their thumb dancing to madonna (they told the losers they broke it in an altercation with henry), and that they didn’t think they wanted to go to college, something their parents expected them to do since they were born. 

 

the second time they. well, they admitted to jerking it to eddie more times than they could count. 

 

thank fuck he wasn’t there at the time, richie would have had to move to indonesia with a new name and waste all their money on multiple plastic surgeries. 

 

scratch that, it wouldn't be a waste. it would be a perfectly valid solution to their problem. 

 

so richie doesn’t drink much. 

 

the last time they did, though, was at a small foray in bev’s apartment. her aunt was out for the weekend on some expedition or another, and bev wasted no time in the screwdrivers and fruity wine. she even managed to snag a six pack for bill, the only person there who enjoyed anything about beer, something he was endlessly teased about. 

 

“oh, are you gonna crush that can of natty lite on your forehead, bill? are you going to throw it across the room and then shout ‘score’ even though you missed, bill?” stan said, draped across mike’s lap on the arm chair everyone always fought over with a deadpan look, proceeding to high five mike without looking. 

 

“t-this isn’t even natty lite, you w-whore!” bill exclaimed, walking in from the kitchen with a fresh can of his sweat juice. “it’s fucking b-bud. i need new friends.”

 

“y’all are so gay, oh my god.” richie shouted, only halfway through his (mostly oj) screwdriver, from their spot deep inside the couch cushion. “also i vote we start calling bill chad. fucking weirdo, who the hell likes beer?” the end of their sentence was grumbled, more for their entertainment than anyone else's. 

 

“fucking hypocrite! you’re the gayest not-gay person i have ever met in my life, oh my  _ god. _ ” eddie laughed, pulling out his phone. “also, bill, i’m changing your contact name to chad.” bill waved his arms, almost spilling his beer, as if to say  _ what the hell, bro?  _

 

_ fuckin’ chad.  _ richie thought. 

 

“i don’t know if i am. not gay, i mean.” this got everyone’s attention, all turning to look at them.

 

“whaddya mean?” mike asked.

 

“i mean, like, thinkin’ about it, i’ve never actually  _ liked _ a chick, y’know? like, i’ve only ever had one crush, and it’s on a dude. and, yo, to be, like, 100% here?” richie sat up straight; pausing for effect, before continuing. “i do not think i could kiss a girl and actually care about it y’know? like, it’d be the same as kissing my grandma, or some shit, i don’t know. it’s fucking wild, though.” at this point, everyone in the room knew that if they weren’t interrupted, richie will continue talking forever, so bev stepped up. 

 

“what if you kissed me?” she was sitting on the side of the couch opposite to richie’s corner, holding a wine glass in one hand and her phone in the other. “y’know. to, like, test it out or whatever. personally i’m still up in arms about whether or not i’m into dudes, so. helpful for both of us.” she shrugged, and so did richie. 

 

“yeah sure, i’m down for what-“

 

“wait, what? can we back the fuck up here?” eddie leans forward, putting his drink (kool-aid and vodka) on the coffee table. “so you don’t think you’re bi,” he pointed at richie, and they nodded. “you think you’re gay also,” he pointed at bev with his other hand, and bev nodded too. “and now you’re gonna, like, confirm your suspicions by making out or whatever?” they both nodded. 

 

“that’s pretty much it, yeah.” richie said, looking over at beverly to confirm that this was about to happen. she looked at them and winked, scooching closer while richie did the same until they were in the middle. eddie seemed to consider this, ransacking his alcohol-tinged brain to find some kind of objection to this. he visibly gave up quickly though, and opted for pouting silently in the way that richie want to not go through with this, if only to pinch eddie’s cheeks and love on him until the cows came home. 

 

but bev was looking at them, and  _ hey,  _ eds was cute poutin’ anyway, it’s not like a little more of that adorable ‘lil face would be a downside to the whole situation. so they reluctantly tore their eyes from his figure, and looked back at where bev was waiting on them, and leaned forward until their lips were pressed together. 

 

richie didn’t go in expecting fireworks or whatever, but they were still underwhelmed. it was boring, wet, and honestly a little gross. they pulled away, and pulled a fake disappointed face, before dramatically saying, “yup, gay.”

 

“hey same!” bev smiled and laughed, and they high fived before moving back to their respective corners and continued doing exactly what they were doing before The Kiss. beverly on her phone, and richie destroying their neck by curling up in a position they swore was comfortable (a dirty lie). 

 

“hey, guys?” stan asked, looking around with an eyebrow raised. a hum ran through the room in response. “what the fuck just happened? like, i get we’re close and tipsy, but that was kind of dumb. you can be bi and not have a crush on specific people, dipshits.” and, yeah, that makes sense. eddie immediately perks up, gesturing wildly at stan, as if to say  _ see? i knew there was a flaw in this plan! _

 

but bev had something else in mind. “shut up, stan.”

 

“yeah stanley, eat my foot.” richie looked around quickly, before picking up a pen off the floor and throwing it at stan, landing on his upper arm. “let us have our fun, you callous bitch.”

 

“don’t hit my boyfriend, you fuck!” mike picked up the pen, throwing it back at richie, laughing the whole time.

 

“how ‘bout you not hit my beard, you walking penis?” bev yelled with a smile big enough to confirm that she didn’t mean it.

 

“bev, a beard is for pretending to be straight, which is literally the opposite of what just happened.” ben piped up from his spot on the floor next to eddie.  

 

“why is everyone determined to prove me wrong today?” bev said through a laugh. “if someone tries to tell me that i got something wrong today, i’m going to go apeshit.”

 

“technically it’s after midnight, so stan proved you wrong yesterday.” eddie stated all calm and collected, but his shit-eating grin gave him away. richie was full on cackling at this point, as was everyone except bev, who was putting her glass down on the table and walking over to where eddie sat, playfully giving him a noogie. 

 

and richie couldn’t imagine ever being happier than this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha HA i finally ,, finished this chapter ,,
> 
> i know this took forever and i Apologise but know that i have been working on this the entire time !! i just have add and got distracted for Months cause i was working on a birthday gift for my friend wiusjw

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy ive been working through a Lot of writers block tryna slog through this and at one point i got a burst of inspo and wrote a bunch in one sitting so enjoy this ig
> 
> also if u want follow me on tumblr @ trickrtrashmouth 
> 
> comment if u liked it bc i like attention:)


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